Astrology, Relationships, and the Power of Self-Awareness

This post is a preliminary peek at the next book I am writing, the working title of which is: Charting Love - Unlocking Relationship Potential Through Your Natal Chart

I first became curious about astrology as a child, but the serious, deep study of it began in my early 30s. I hope it will not shock you to know that throughout my adult life, I have experienced eight major partnerships, two marriages, and many short-term connections. I've partnered with men, women, and nonbinary individuals in monogamous, open, and polyamorous relationships. Through each experience, I studied charts and sought to deepen my understanding of my partners and the relationships themselves to create the connections I desired.

However, it took many years for me to realize that I was overlooking the most essential step that astrology had to offer: the opportunity to know myself. While understanding another person is fascinating, and analyzing the dynamics between two people is certainly helpful, those insights remain incomplete and not very helpful without a foundation of self-awareness.

When I finally turned the lens on myself and my natal chart, my relationships were finally able to improve. I stopped leaving myself behind and giving my focus to the other person. I finally began to take into account what I needed for myself and what I was able to give to another.

I began to communicate with honesty. I saw that I could not be all things to another and needed clear boundaries. I was able to understand that my inner rage was due to constantly leaving myself behind. I began to see that clear boundaries released me from that rage.

Boundaries and Relationships

Boundaries are one of the most important things to get right in creating a healthy relationship with another person, but we need to understand what boundaries are and are not. There is much misunderstanding here. To be clear about what boundaries are, first, let's be clear about what they are not. Boundaries are not a line you draw in the sand and then rage about when someone crosses that line. Boundaries are never about what the other person will do. Boundaries are always and only about what you will do. We have no control over what someone else will do, we can only control our actions.

If you do x, y, or z, I will move to Tennessee. Whatever your stated action will be, you must be prepared to take that action; otherwise, your boundaries are meaningless.

The 8th House and Emotional Depth

The 8th house is about navigating the deepest issues we encounter in our relationships. It reflects boundaries, trust, vulnerability, and power dynamics. This is the place where we confront fears, desires, and the need for powerful change. It is where we negotiate the balance of give-and-take and face the deep emotions that shape our connections. Understanding the themes within your natal 8th house provides a framework for engaging honestly and effectively with others.

I finally understood my need to understand what I truly wanted, what lessons I needed to learn, and what I was capable of in the context of a relationship. Without that knowledge, I was essentially outside the relationship, disconnected from myself. It’s no surprise that I was often frustrated and disappointed.

Building Self-Awareness First

We can access so much information when we have the charts of two (or more) people in front of us, so much that we can point to and talk about. Before doing so, work deeply with your chart. Understand yourself first. Determine your needs and desires in partnership and use that knowledge to connect with people willing to work to achieve what you each want and need. Don't give yourself away.

If you’re ready to explore yourself in partnership and gain deeper insights into your relationships, consider making an appointment for a personal consultation. Together, we can look at your chart and uncover the patterns, strengths, and challenges that shape your connections.